A Gentleman Is Someone Who Does Not What He Wants To Do Graphic © motivationpowerboost.com
“A gentleman
is someone who does not
what he wants to do,
but what he should do.”
— Haruki Murakami (“Norwegian Wood”)
Redefining Modern Gentlemanly Virtue: It’s About Integrity, Not Etiquette
When you hear the word “gentleman,” what imagery comes to mind? Perhaps it’s a man impeccably dressed in a dapper suit, mind his manners by holding doors and using perfect decorum. Or maybe you envision a suave, refined figure whose polished presence oozes honor and respect.
While upholding certain social graces and codes of conduct has traditionally been part of the equation, Haruki Murakami’s poignant quote suggests true gentlemanly virtue goes far deeper than superficial chivalry. He declares: “A gentleman is someone who does not what he wants to do, but what he should do.”
In other words, a man of true nobility and character is defined not by how he adheres to formalities, but by his inner resolve to uphold integrity over appetite. His awareness of greater principles that should govern his choices, even when they conflict with his own whims and impulses.
This more philosophical interpretation of gentlemanly substance over style resonates powerfully in today’s society, where too many cultural forces are stripping away depth and accountability in favor of narcissism and indulgence.
A gentleman in the truest sense understands that honor, duty, and upstanding values must be more than just emphasized—they should be zealously guarded through his actions, no matter how tempting the easier path may be.
Some key reasons this self-restraint and moral fortitude make someone a gentleman deserving of our respect:
It requires vision beyond the present.
Resisting reactionary selfish urges in order to hold oneself to a higher standard necessitates consideration of potential long-term consequences beyond instant gratification. A gentleman has the wisdom to prioritize enduring peace of mind.
It demands courage and resilience.
It’s easy to blindly chase whatever pleases us in the heat of the moment. A gentleman has the mental toughness and valor to repeatedly choose the more challenging righteous path, however unpopular or unappreciated it may be.
It reflects respect for self and others.
Giving into every whim or desire is a form of childish self-absorption. A gentleman respects himself enough to hold himself accountable while also serving as a dutiful steward and example for those around him.
It preserves integrity and leaves a positive legacy.
A man who simply does whatever he wants whenever he wants inevitably tarnishes his reputation and squanders his potential impact. A gentleman safeguards his character and compounds his influence by holding his behavior to unimpeachable standards.
Living in this way is not always the easiest road. Being a gentleman in the moral sense often means choosing the arduous path of restraint and accountability over self-indulgence and compromise. But the reward is in hardwiring principles that allow you to walk through this world as a man of substance and honor wherever you go.
In an age of shameless self-interest and shocking lapses of integrity across every sphere, the world hungers for the brand of distinguished character and moral fiber true gentlemen possess. It will never go out of style.
So have the bravery to be that man who makes the more virtuous choice, even when no one is watching. At the end of the day, the true measure of a gentleman lies not in his manners or material trappings, but in the content of his unflinching integrity. That’s the new genteel code to embrace.
The Cultivation of Inner Character: A Lifelong Pursuit
While the notion of gentlemanly virtue rooted in integrity and self-restraint holds timeless value, it would be misguided to assume it is a destination one simply arrives at. Rather, it is an ongoing journey of growth, self-awareness, and continual refinement of one’s ethical bearings.
A man does not wake up one day and suddenly embody this ideal. It takes conscious, sustained effort to develop the mental fortitude and moral clarity to consistently prioritize what is right over what is easy. Momentary lapses are inevitable; the true measure lies in one’s willingness to reflect, recalibrate, and persistently strive to live up to those elevated standards.
This cultivation of inner character is a lifelong undertaking, requiring relentless self-examination and a commitment to identifying and addressing blind spots or areas of weakness. A true gentleman remains a perpetual student, humbly acknowledging there is always room for improvement in his resolve, empathy, and ethical decision-making.
Furthermore, true gentlemanly virtue cannot be purely self-oriented. While internal principles are vital, they must be matched by an outward focus—a sense of responsibility to uphold those values not just for personal edification, but for the betterment of one’s community and society at large. A gentleman strives to be a positive force and role model, using his integrity as a driving force for broader positive impact.
Ultimately, the journey toward embodying gentlemanly character is arduous and unending, rife with stumbles and course corrections. But it is a noble, deeply fulfilling pursuit—a constant reminder that one’s truest wealth lies not in materialistic pursuits, but in the boundless growth of authoring an honorable, principled life.
Related Inspirational Quotes
“Character is doing the right thing when nobody’s looking.” — J.C. Watts
“Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.” — Oprah Winfrey
“The time is always right to do what is right.” — Martin Luther King, Jr.
“Do what is right, not what is easy.” — Roy T. Bennett
“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” — Marcus Aurelius